Logs and Specks

With the death of Westboro Baptist’s lead figure, Fred Phelps, yesterday, I really expected to see a great deal more of a response on facebook than I did. I must say, I was pleasantly surprised that so few felt the need to comment and that those who did, did so in a rather graceful way. Your newsfeed may have been different from mine – obviously we all have a diverse group of “friends” – but I was really grateful for the lack of snarkiness that could have easily been offered in the wake of his death.

For as much as he was about marketing hate, he was a very tortured man. I can’t imagine what it would be like to constantly be about the business of encouraging and mobilizing people to exhibit and vocalize their hatred of other groups of people. As one person shared on facebook, I pray he has found the peace in death that eluded him so much in life.

I have come to know a great many people, especially as they journey through crises or challenges. It’s one of the most sacred aspects of my job, this entrée into the lives of others. It strikes me that we have enough in our own lives to deal with without making something that another group is involved with a primary focus for us…and, yet, we do this so we can ignore our own stuff, if only for a little while. We are such strange, strange creatures. It’s that whole “take out the log in your eye before you remove the speck from your neighbor’s eye” message Jesus tried to teach us. We just have such a hard time choosing to deal with our stuff first.

So, I pray that Fred Phelps finds peace. I pray that those who followed him can let go of the banner of hatred they have carried so long and find peace as well. I also pray that I will have the strength to deal with my stuff and give you the freedom to deal with your own stuff at your own pace…

 

 

Giving the Shadow it's Due...

I am reading a fascinating book by Robert A. Johnson entitled, Owning Your Own Shadow. I’ll start with the confession that I am not terribly familiar with Jungian psychology which incorporates this concept of our “shadow” side…but I am enough of a human and enough of a student of life to acknowledge that we all have within us the equal capacity for good and evil.

Most of us, though, would rather not admit we have such a capacity. I don’t know that I could have put it in those words before myself. But, I see it. When my life was in such awful turmoil, my brother-in-law came over one day to help me sort through some of the financial mess and then took me to a gun range. He had brought several of his pistols and we loaded up on ammunition as we headed into the shooting area. He walked me though the basics, ensuring I had at least a rudimentary understanding of gun safety.

It was an amazing release! No, I can’t imagine actually firing a weapon at a live human but wow…I did some serious damage to that paper target. As I begin to understand the balance we keep between our “good” side and our “shadow” side, I can see how this gave my shadow side an outlet…one that didn’t cause harm to another or myself but simply was expressed and released. The result? I really did feel better, more balance and more in control of myself.

I’ve thought back to the early days when things at my house were really tough and remember assigning the boys with the task of replacing fence boards in our back yard. Just that act of hammering nails into wood was sufficient to release a lot of that bottled shadow-y stuff. And, my fence got repaired, so it was a good deal all around.

The author makes the case – though I’m not finished with the book and may amend this – that we do well to seek balance between the two, less we go overboard on our so-called “good” side and then turn around a smack innocent bystanders with our shadow stuff. I know that I have been in those situations where I am almost gritting my teeth into nubs, trying desperately to maintain my calm and cool…and the minute I am removed from the situation, I erupt. That stuff has to come out somehow and the author, thus far anyway, encourages an awareness that will allow us to tend to our shadow eruptions without inflicting them in ways that are harmful.

Maybe all this sounds just a bit far-fetched. Maybe it seems that I am dipping my toe a bit too heavily into a realm beyond our faith-filled upbringing. I don’t think so. Take some time to look through the gospel accounts of Jesus. Notice how often he went off by himself, got away from others. Yes, he went to pray but I would imagine he might have thrown some rocks or screamed into the emptiness just to vent out all of that stored up frustration. One of the strangest stories is the story of Jesus cursing the fig tree as he was making his way from Bethany into Jerusalem the day after his glorious arrival into town. It wasn’t fig season. The tree should not have had any fruit on it. And, yet, Jesus let loose with a curse…and the fig tree died.

We are currently in a season of high anxiety and stress. We are trying so hard to keep our nice on, to be loving and kind and generous…and really, we’d like to kick something. Or maybe that’s just me and I’m projecting on to you…if so, I apologize. I would like to kick something. But I’d rather you didn’t see me kick anything. Therein lies the struggle in balancing the goodness within us with the shadow side we all have as well.

Wonder what it would be like if we stopped acting like this whole shadow side didn’t exist? What if we could be more open and honest about our complete selves…the good, the bad, and the ugly? I’m not suggesting we go around kicking each other. But wouldn’t it help if we could incorporate and encourage space in our daily lives to at least own that dark stuff, give it a healthy outlet, and find a balance unlike any we have really experienced before?

I may just need to find me a gun range…

Sowers and seeds

Let me just say there are days when I feel like perhaps I may qualify for “mother of the year” and days when I absolutely do not… today was one of those do not days…

In fact, if I were to be completely honest, I’d say the whole day was a bust. I find that, for the most part, I get along with most people. I don’t have a whole lot of expectations and rather pride myself on being open to differences and so forth. But. Oh My God. Not today.

I’ve spent the last few day prepping for my message tomorrow during our noon mid-week communion service. We are focusing on the parables in Matthew during this Lenten season and my turn comes up tomorrow….the parable of the sower.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read this parable and tried to convince myself what good soil I am. And, yet, as I did my study and spent time wondering about this parable, I finally saw something new. The sower was something else.

I want you to notice that the sower spread seed everywhere. Good soil, thorny soil, bad soil – it didn’t matter. The sower was extravagant in spreading the seed in all places.

What, then, does that mean for us? Well, we can take a lot of time wondering on the different types of soil. I get that most of us assume the unasked question, what soil are you? But, let’s be serious for a minute. Jesus never once asks that question.

Again, I focus on the sower. Here is God or Jesus or whoever you assign the role of the sower…and the seed gets cast all over the place, over and over again. No one is stopping to evaluate the efficiency of the method. No one is pausing to ponder the futility of such extravagance. It just is.

Isn’t that true for us? Don’t we receive grace we absolutely do not deserve? And, if we receive such grace, doesn’t it make sense that the sower is calling us to spread whatever seed, whatever witness we are prepared to offer, indiscriminately?

And yet…we don’t. We calculate the odds. We wait until we feel confident enough that the hearers are well prepared for our words of wisdom.

The sower didn’t make such calculations. The sower simply went out, casting what he knew without much concern about where it landed.

I look at my church and I see such amazing calculation. We are so afraid that we will make a mistake, that we will fail, that we hold tightly to what we might offer until we are absolutely convinced it is right. That’s not what Jesus did. Or lived. Or taught.

What will it take for us to assume the posture of the sower? What will it look like for us to let go of our stuff and acquiesce to what God is calling us to?  I think it’s pretty radical. And not easy. But, oh my Lord, I pray that we can find a way to stop being so caught up in ourselves.

Maybe I won’t be so feisty tomorrow….maybe. But, at least my son and I are on much better terms.

 

For everything there is a season...including change...

Isn’t it interesting how we tend to think that there is only one right way of doing something, or one right answer…I mean seriously. There are all kinds of right ways and answers with some degrees of better thrown in.

Tonight, I got to listen to a group of people get worked up over what, in their mind, is the RIGHT way to move forward on a project…a project that they are not involved in at all. It occurred to me that when we are in a place where our anxiety is high, we can easily become critical and choose not to trust others.

I’ve recently finished reading Phyllis Tickle’s book, The Great Emergence. I got to hear her speak last May on this concept of the emerging church and looked forward to reading her book. In that work, she talks about how our culture/society/world goes through a major shift about every 500 years. She reasons that we are in the midst of one of those such shifts today. After reading her book and reflecting on the changes I have witnessed, I tend to agree with her. She makes an alluring and impressive case.

In terms of our shifts from a faith perspective, she lifts up that the last major shift occurred about the time of the great Protestant Reformation. If you know your church history, you’ll recall that those within the Catholic church were calling for reforms, calling for the church to stick more closely to what was recorded in scripture rather than expounding on it to the point of adding requirements that had no basis in scripture (collecting money for things such as indulgences – papal prayers for those caught in purgatory).  Indulgences were a kind of fundraiser perpetrated by the church with the goal of building St. Peter’s Basilica. But there were those who had an issue with this practice, such as Martin Luther (though there were others, he is the most noted among the protestors). Out of that season of conflict and challenge came the call to dismiss anything that did not have roots in scripture – sola scriptura, scriptura sola – only scripture and scripture only. And the Protestant churches were born, in a violent split from the Catholic church.

Today, we are caught in a shift because we’ve argued with scripture. Where scripture spoke about slavery but not against it, we eventually came to see slavery as the evil it was…but that wasn’t because we were staying “true” to the biblical mandate. Later, women would receive rights they were never allowed according to our biblical witness. And, now, we are faced with a changing perspective in terms of sexual orientation. We think we know what the Bible says but at the same time we recognize something different and so that tide is shifting as well. As a result, we are no longer looking at scripture as the leading authority…and that creates a huge shift in our religious culture.

It’s not isolated to religion or matters of faith. Every aspect of our culture, our society, is experiencing a major shift. And, let me tell you, that just breeds anxiety upon anxiety. We don’t know what to expect. Our world is changing and we can’t keep up. We are like the ancient Hebrew people released from bondage and living in the wilderness – and, Lord, we want to go back to Egypt. We want desperately to go back to what we know, to what is familiar and comfortable and predictable.

But we can’t. And, let’s be honest, it pisses us off. We get anxious. We get caught up, worked up, and we do just about everything we can think of to stop the tide of change. We insist that we know the way out of this, that we have all the right answers, and we don’t even bother to look at who we might be stepping on to ensure we get our way.

Yeah, I’m a little annoyed, tonight.

The one question we rarely ask when we are feeling anxious or threatened is this…where is God in all of this? It’s like we get so caught up in our own needs and wants and desires that we can’t even think to stop and seek discernment of what God is doing and where God is leading.

Statistic after statistic predict a great decline in the Christian churches of America. We, supposedly, are becoming more and more irrelevant. Why? Because we are trying too hard to hold on to yesteryear and we are scared to death that tomorrow may bring about a change that challenges our expectations.

And yet…there is so much that is hopeful and promising in the midst of this great shift. We are asking questions and being more honest about who we are and how we relate to God than we’ve done in years upon years. The cool thing about these 500 year shifts is that the church always benefits…there has historically been an increase in people who strive to live into their relationship with God.

So, we’ll argue and fuss and get mad and disappointed. But, in the end, we’ll get to that place where we simply put ourselves into God’s care and let go. The kingdom of God is near…again.

Be Present

Have you ever stopped to think about all the textures you encounter each day? I’m talking the emotional ups and downs as well as those occasional glimpses of contentment, peace, awe, and wonder.  Still not following me? Let me try it this way…

I am not a morning person. In my perfect world, Sunday morning services and pretty much any other morning activity would start sometime after 10. I’m a night owl and can stay up, engaged and lively but, oh. my. Lord. early mornings are just painful.

After a fabulous late night in Austin, taking in SXSW (at least as much as you can without badges or wristbands) and enjoying the sights, vibes, and occasional weirdness that is Austin, my friend and I called it a night and decided to set our alarms for dark-thirty (which is my way of saying way too early to be getting up, especially on a Saturday).  My subconscious was looking out for me because my alarm never went off (so hard to see am or pm on my phone without my groovy readers) but…her alarm went off as scheduled.

Our goal was to go to the KUTX/Four Seasons Hotel SXSW venue and take in the four bands slated for Saturday morning...8am. We didn’t have time to do much in the way of getting ready so we’ll just say I wasn’t looking my best. I was dressed. There had been make-up slapped on my face and I did my best with my hair. We arrived early enough to at least get seats and I mainlined coffee for the first 30-45 minutes.

The first band started at 8am. I can’t spell or pronounce their name. I think they are more of a late afternoon or evening sound because at 8am it sounded like a lullaby and I was doing my best not to nod off and drool.

After 3 songs, they said something about technical difficulties and exited the stage. Speculation was that the other band members had done like I had and set their alarms for PM. We assumed they were off snoozing somewhere. I’ll admit to a twinge of jealousy.

We had quite a wait before the next band took the stage (new band at the top of every hour…), but WOW. They were not just incredibly talented. They took performance and talent to a whole new level. Amazingly, this was a band of two…a drummer, who performs shirtless (that’s all I’m going to say on that) and a guitarist/vocalist. The duo is from Canada but they were previously in another band before moving to Austin and succumbing to the influence of our local talent.

The next group was really entertaining – talented, humorous…kind of big band meets pop with a hefty dose of humor thrown in. And the finale, while touted as the talk of SXSW, was a bit of a disappointment. Granted, anyone who can get on stage and perform to a crowd of 600-700 people deserves credit. They weren’t bad at all…just different in a way that didn’t resonate with me.

Are you picking up on the ups and downs? Overall? I am so glad I went, even at that hideous hour on a Saturday.  We did sneak out a bit early as I had an appointment this afternoon. And here’s where more emotional texture comes in…got home, caught up with the younger child, drank more coffee, showered, then went to my meeting.

This particular meeting was prompted by a terminal diagnoses…4-6 months with no viable treatment options. I get that most of you reading this will do that sigh thing and feel sorry for this unnamed family. That is completely understandable and appropriate. However, because of their openness and desire to face these next however many months, we were able to recognize that this family had entered into a truly holy time. Every single time they get together will be filled with meaning. No one will hesitate to express their love for one another. Memories will be shared and made and stored for comfort later, when memories come back to remind us of the great gift of God each of us are for those we love.

Each one of us will face our own death. That’s just a given. Knowing that that time is imminent enables us to transition into a whole new perspective, a whole new set of priorities. What an amazing gift such a time is for those who are willing to accept rather than deny.

So, again, a day full of a range of emotional texture. I survived an early morning wake-up. I experienced incredible (and not so incredible) music. I was invited into holy time with a family struggling to honor the gift of good-bye time. And, I got a nap.

I really think the key to fully experiencing each and every day is to be as present as you can be, with or without coffee. I don’t know that a day has gone by that God hasn’t gifted me with a surprise of some sort…though I confess I haven’t always been present to notice. If today’s experience in emotional texture has given me anything, it has been the reminder to choose to be present. I’m curious to see what tomorrow brings, even knowing I have to get up really, really early.

 

Lucinda Williams

Well, I missed a day. I could fill the page with all kinds of excuses (maybe even some that were true) but…we’ll just leave it at I missed a day and move on…

Last night, I got to hear/see Lucinda Williams at a funky new venue in North Austin called The Roost (no, this isn’t one of my excuses…just let it go, already). Anyway, it’s the first time I’ve been to something like this – concert in a nightclub where everybody just stood crowded around the stage for a couple of hours – in a long time. Reminded me of when a bunch of us went to the Silver Wings Ballroom in El Campo to hear/see George Strait. Back in high school. Except, Lucinda and George aren’t really alike and no one threw articles of clothing up on the stage for her to sign. But I digress…

I had forgotten how awesome it is to take in live music like that. I knew none of her songs (actually had not even heard of her when my friend suggested we go…I know, I know.) so it wasn’t like I was singing along. But she gave us a great show, along with her borrowed bass guitarist (who was amazing), her guitarist/upright bass player, and drummer. Standing about 10-12 feet from the stage, taking it all in, feeling it deep inside, it was quite an awesome experience.

Now, I’m hooked again and, lucky for me, I live so close to the bounty of live music that is Austin, Texas. So, I’m off again tonight to take in some of the great (and maybe not-so-great) SXSW music. God certainly knew what she/he was doing when God created our bodies to resonate so deeply, in such an indescribable way with the rhythms of music.

Speaking of SXSW, Lucinda opened her show with a call for healing thoughts and prayers for all who were touched by Wednesday night’s tragic accident. In memory of the two who died and in honor of the injured, she opened with this… (difficulty uploading youtube...here's the link)

Lucinda Williams - World Without Tears (live 2006)

Go, listen to some music. Feed your soul with this amazing gift God has made possible for us.

Live Into Your Belovedness

Once upon a time, I recall hearing a communication rule that went something like you have to hear something 7 times before it sinks in or before it becomes knowledge for you. I have no idea where I learned it nor do I know who determined such a thing to be true…but, I am willing to agree that repetition helps us remember and store ideas, concepts, information, etc.

It started last week, on Ash Wednesday. Following our service (held at our church but with all four UMCs here in Georgetown involved in the service), we clergy types stood around at the end of the service, following the benediction. It’s always sweet to hear the accolades – nice service, lovely worship, etc – and our congregation is especially gracious in offering such words of kindness. One couple came up to me, each of them hugged me and, during the hug, both of them separately said to me, “live into your belovedness.” It was such a surprisingly different sentiment that it kind of knocked me back a minute. I remember thinking, wow, I want to hold on to that thought and just sit with that idea for awhile.

Before long, though, I got busy saying goodnight to others, writing up my blog for day one of the Lenten journey, dealing with things at home. Later, I tried to remember what they had said and couldn’t be exactly sure I heard them right. Two times is apparently not enough for it to stick with me.

Then, this past Sunday, I was standing my post, shaking hands at the end of the service at one of the exterior doors, and here they come. Again, they both tell me in the middle of a hug, “live into your belovedness.” But that was at the early service and I had an appointment between services, needed to get my microphone checked, and then lead the 11am contemporary service. And we had lost an hour of sleep. These are my excuses and I stand by them. So, no, four times is also not enough for something to stick with me…even something I find intriguing.

Lo, and behold, I got an email this morning from the mister in this couple…and there it was again. This time, he phrased it : as I’ve been telling you lately, I hope you are spending some time during this Lenten season “living into your “belovedness.”

I’ve read it several times now. I think I’ve surpassed the 7 times mark as the phrase simply keeps cropping up in my mind. Am I living into my belovedness? What does that look like? For me, at least tonight, I’m hearing an invitation to not just rest in God’s love but to live as one who knows herself to be God’s beloved child.

I’d like to say that gives me permission to not worry too much about what you or anyone else may think of me. And, I guess, it does to a degree. But…living into my belovedness seems to be inviting me to something more…something to do with how that sense of belovedness empowers me in my relationships with others. To love more…to extend grace and mercy and forgiveness and kindness more.

I’m not always good at that. In fact, I fall short quite a bit. So, I’m thankful I’ve encountered this at least 7 times now. I hope it sticks. And I hope I can get unstuck as I seek to do as I’ve been invited to do.