When I was little (read: much younger), I was always in a hurry to grow up. It seemed no matter what I wanted to do, the reply was always, "you can do that...when you grow up." I could hardly wait to enter the realm of double digit age, then the teen-age years, then getting my driver's license... the magic years of 10, 13, 16, 18, (then 19 because they played around with the legal age of consumption), 21, and 35 (the minimum age to run for president) were all milestones I was anxious to reach.
My yearnings to grow up stopped at age 35. The milestones after that just aren't as appealing. Who can get excited about annual mammograms starting at age 40 or a colonoscopy at 50? Do I really want to hurry up and join AARP or get a senior's discount at IHOP? Truthfully? Not so much.
So here I am at age 45. Now what? Well, I'll start by looking back since I now have more than enough years to look back on. I have two of the most insanely awesome man-children you will ever meet. I have the absolute greatest sister (and brother-in-law) you could imagine. I have incredibly awesome parents. And friends? Oh my gosh, have I been blessed by a host of truly wonderful people in my life.
Looking back is the easy part...even the parts I still occasionally cringe over (I did indeed have my share of "learning" experiences). But looking forward? I gotta tell ya, that's a little scary. I didn't intend to be facing divorce at this age...or finishing up with a you've-got-to-be-kidding-me bankruptcy. Of course, I never pictured myself in ministry either but that's another story for another day.
One thing I can say, though, is that I have plenty of little kid left in me. As scary as it is to be "starting over" at 45, I am pretty excited by the possibilities ahead of me! And, I am much more grounded now than I have ever been...the cool thing about being cast out into the wilderness is that you learn that God does indeed walk with you, carry you, and guide you through. I wouldn't trade that for anything.
It's rather funny that I am now too "old" for some things...I can't serve as a military chaplain for instance (the cut-off age is 39 without prior service). But...I can be comfortable with who I am, knowing God is still at work making me more. I can be satisfied that whatever my needs, God will provide. I can wake up each morning knowing that regardless of who I disappoint or tick off, God loves me enough to make sure I find someplace, somewhere, somehow to live out of that incredible love offered me.
I'm 45 years old today. If I had planned my life, things would have been much different. Thank God, God has bigger, better plans for me.
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